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Cooking With Hardy 2

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Literature Text

Act 2: That Random Hiccuping Metroid

Ridley: Yeah, man. It's comedic gold.

Samus: *weird look* "Yeah, man?!" Ridley, are you stoned or something?!

Ridley: "Or something?" Are you?

Samus: Don't argue with me Ridley, have you been smoking dope?!

Ridley: You're not my mother, man.

Samus: I'm not a man...-_- *pouts* ..and I know that I'm not your mother either, but I want an answer Ridley. Yes or no,
have you been-

Ridley: I don't gotta answer that. You...ooooo... *looks around* ...Pretty hippie flowers...hiccuping Metroids!

Houston: Huh? Hiccupping Metroids?

Ridley: It's in the title, man. GROOVY, BABY! I'VE GOT THE MOJO! *starts dancing like a topless dancer, then picks up Samus
and starts waltzing rather sloppily*

Samus: Ridley, you're scaring me.

Houston: O_O...Me too...

---------------

Domon: *fart*

Asia: ...No comment.

Domon: *farts again*

Asia: ...No comment.

Domon: *lets out a big one*

Asia: >_> DOMON! HAVE YOU BEEN EATING BEANS?!?! *hears a weird noise*

Domon: That wasn't me this time!

Harry: *waves his hand in front of his face and sees a Metroid shoot across the stage making a hiccup-like noise*

Hardy: Huh? Anyway, it's time to move onto the stuffing...

Kaiba: This is getting annoying. Now we've got a Metroid to deal with.

Yugi: A hiccuping Metroid! But we've still got to hold the cameras. -_-

Kaiba: ...I seriously wish that you'd brought your friends along this time. *looks off-stage at corny fanfare sound*

Joey: *running in across the stage with a big plastic mallet* SUPER JOEY!!!

Mai: *chasing Joey with a bigger wooden mallet* Super Dork is more like it!

Tristan: *dragging an even bigger steel sledgehammer* Hey! Wait for me!

Tèa: *holding the Humoungous Uber-Heavy Hammer of Metroid Whacking +5 over her head like a Mongolian warlord, bowling over Tristan* LEMME AT THOSE HICCUPING METROIDS!!!

Kaiba: O_O...I'm...at a loss for words.

Yugi: Leave it to Tèa to do the impossible. ^_^

Audience: How does she do that?

Hiccuping Metroid: *bouncing across the stage* Racka! Racka! Racka! Racka!

Joey: Gotcha! *misses and hits a bowl, sending the ingredients into Tèa's face*

Mai: I've got it! *misses and smashes a hole into the prep table*

Tristan: *hefts up the steel hammer and starts to swing it around* Let me! *misses and the hammer crashes through the stove*

Saturos: Now it's really out of order.

Tèa: I've got it! *smashes Yugi's camera*

Yugi: Tèa, watch it! You almost hit me!

H-M: Racka! *Stops in front of Kaiba, and hiccups away at the last moment*

Tèa: I've got it! *whacks Kaiba upside the head, knocking him out*

Hardy: u_u...They just demolished the kitchen...*gets out a wok*

Yugi: *substitutes for Kaiba*

Kaiba: @_@ Ugh...She can't see with food in her face...I don't want to go to school...I have a migraine.

Hardy: *whacks the Metroid into an arcade machine offstage, which, ironically, is called "Whack the Hiccuping Metroids!"* How's
that for my kitchen, huh?! *Chases after Joey, Mai, and Tristan.*

Joey: Looks like the song goes "We Will Wok You!"

Tèa: *going after the audience, still blinded by barbecue sauce*

Chi-Chi: *using her PMS powers becomes...[trumpet fanfare]...Super Chi-Chi 4! and blows up Asia and Domon, trying to hit Tèa*

Tèa: I've got it! *hits Gohan instead of Chi-Chi* I've got it! *swings again and hits Goku in the face*

Mai: Maybe that thing should be the Humoungous Uber-Heavy Hammer of Saiya-jin Whacking...

Tèa: I've got it! *swings wide, the hammer slips out of her hands, and as though on a cue, hits Vegeta in the back, bowling him and Bulma over*

Harry: This is really messed up. Can't you use your Time-Turner, Hermione?

Hermione: Let's wait until after the next scene to use it, Harry.

Harry: Okay.

--------------

Samus: *watches the TV screen go static* Great, nothing to watch. It's only the first episode and it's total bedlam.

Ridley: Great, why don't we shag? *looks at Houston*

Houston: A-ARE YOU ASKING ME?!?!

Ridley: I'm asking both o' ya, man.

Shag...er...Samus: Shag?! Ridley that's so late 1900's...and you are a really big...

Ridley: *in fake British accent* A really big turn-on? Do I make you horny, baby?!

Fat Bastard: Oop...I 'ought ye was Austain Powairs foor a moment.

Ridley: *Fake British Accent* Fat Bahstard! I am Austin Powers!

Houston: *holds up a sign*: If Ridley says he's Austin Powers, he's so stoned that he's got a sex drive...and he usually doesn't,
folks, so panic! Head for the hills!

Samus: This is gonna be one of those days...

Mini-Kraid: Why doesn't Kraid think that he's Dr. Evil, then! He calls me Mini-Me! *runs away crying*

---------------

Stay tuned for Act 3...oh wait, first we'll have to fix the cameras!
Act 2. Dare it be stranger? Yes it do! With pothead Ridley, hiccuping Metroids, a typo in the script, and Genghis Tèa!!
© 2006 - 2024 KaffeKane
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