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About Varied / Hobbyist KaffeKane34/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Literature
Captain's Log - 09.23.13.0440
    Trina:  You made it, then?  The Clan of Ra let you in?
    Rotis:  Almost, and not exactly.  We've made it past the star's heliopause without notice.  I'm not sure how we managed to do that.  They've got a tight grid on the place all around.  Mid-range scanners definitely say there's intra-stellar activity around this star.  Lots of it, considering what's going on.  Looks like the Confederacy's actually managed to get Chimera back on the ropes again.  Hey, Broza?  Didn't the Saharans have these morons pushed back in a matter of days upon arriving here?
    Broza:  Yeah, but nobody in the Dark Fleet expected The Marching to come down to here.  They thought that the Karukas were just going to flatten Orion and keep it as theirs.  Turns out they were just pulling the teeth and claws out of one of the bigger problems the Confederacy was facing whil
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Literature
The Vault of Heirs: Collapse (Passage 135)
    It was a monumental incident, the fall of Atlantis.  The planetary grid of energy was shifted so dramatically that the position of the equator physically changed.  Atlantis was placed upon a polar region by this alteration, and froze over in weeks.  The Ley Nexus Generator -- the technological centerpiece of their civilization stopped moving, it having been disconnected from the rest of the grid.  Without power, they could not halt the freeze.  Atlantis now sleeps underneath a sheet of ice, until the day that someone wakes the Generator.
    The damage had been done.  The Galactic Pulse left the world disoriented.  The Saharans became the prominent civilization after that.  Even so, that did not stop Chimera from approaching Earth.  That did not stop them from laying out their own demands.  The Saharans did not see any safety in acceding to the demands given.  They shut down and b
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M'ruvaan Flag -- Secrets of the Fire :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 1 0
Mature content
The Coldest Night :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 0 0
My desk arrangement :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 0 5 Mai Dekstop, Sahib. :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 0 3 Carp At Work :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 1 1
Literature
Cooking With Hardy 8
Act 2, Episode 3:  Kingpin of Basketball
                           or
                   What to do when you've torched your videogame celebrity career
Sigma:  Can we start being weird yet?!
Katri:  No.
Sigma:  Can we start being weird yet?!
Katri:  No.
Sigma:  Can we start being weird yet?!
Katri:  No.
Sigma:  Can we start being weird yet?!
Katri:  No.
Sigma:  Can we start being weird yet?!
Katri:  FOR GOD'S SAKE WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET THE CREW WORK ON FIXING
THE SET?!??!?!
Voice of God, Sean Connery:  I heard that.  *snaps fingers and the set
magically returns to normal*  Now they don't have to.
Stage Repair Crew:
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Collage of Heroes :iconkaffekane:KaffeKane 1 5
Literature
Cooking With Hardy 7
Act 1, Episode 3:  David Blaine can DIE!
Hrady....Hardy (erfing typos):  Aright.  Since my attempts to make a turkey dinner
and later on chocolate-
Domon:  *farts*
Hardy:  -chocolate-
Sigma:  *farts*
Hardy:  ...Someone escort them out of the audience.  *Snape drags Domon and Sigma
offstage*  ...anyway, chocolate (Yuffie:  *silent buttdeadly*) desserts have
completely and utterly-
Asia:  OH GOD, WHO LET ONE?!
Hardy:  What the Dr. Hell is going on here?!
Dr. Hell:  Someone called for me?
Hardy:  No.
Dr. Wily:  Come on!  Someone has to help me finish this experiment!
Dr. Hell:  Okay, fine.  False alarm.
Sehption:  HEY!  Get my name right!  *rewinds*  
Sephiroth:  Hey!  Where's dad?  Wasn't he in the audience?
Dr. Wily:  We've recruit
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy 6
Episode 2, Act 3: One-Winged Los Angeles!
Hardy: I think that you evil doctors need a dose of my medicine! BURRITO SUPREME!! *farts and a giant burrito-shaped cloud of gas hits Dr. Hell*
Palmer: *toot!* *toot!* *prt!* *PRT!* *veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeert!!*
Audience: *reverts to normal age*
Mai: *holds her nose* HOW AWFUL!!! It STINKS!!!
Evil Doctors: *wearing gas masks*
AVALANCHE: We are here to defeat the evil doctors! (Barret: Especially Hojo!)
Boba Fatt: Ooh, aagh...indigestion...from...burritos...from...Taco...*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy 5
Episode 2, Act 2: To the Fat-Cave!
Hardy: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my secret underground lair...does that sound too much like Dr. Evil?
Audience: *shakes their head*
Hardy: I am going to make today, a series of desserts! Chocolate desserts!
X & Zero: Chocolate...*drools*
Sigma: *fart*
Joey: Chocolate...*drools*
Sigma: *fart*
Domon: *blows Sigma away with his uber-powerful wind breaking!*
Mai: Ee-ew...*holds her nose*
Yugi: Chocolate...I like chocolate!
Domon: *farts and flies into the air like a rocket*
Hardy: One last time, peoples...
Audience: *except Domon* CHOCOLATE!!! *drools*
Domon: *flies into the stratosphere on a humoungous fart*
Hardy: O...kay...now that we've tired out that joke, I'm going to show you all my assortment of desserts that I have pre-made and am going to show how to make!
Audience: Oooh!
Buu: Buu make chocolate too! *Turns Ta into chocolate!*
Joey: AAH! Chocolate Ta!
Miroku: *eats Ta*
Buu: Hey you! That was my candy!
Miroku: Wind Tunnel! *sucks up Maj
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy 4
Episode 2, Act 1: Ta Does The Impossible
Hardy: Alright, today's show I'm going to make blah-blah-blah...
Harry: Let's hope nothing goes wrong today.
Hermione: I hope so too. Wait, what's that?
*a small ghost-like image of Viktor Krum on a waterbed mattress floats around the audience*
Viktor: Vaaaterbehd...vaaaterbehd...
Umbridge: Hem-hem. Is this the 'Cooking With Hardy' studio?
Hardy: Yes, why?
Umbridge: I am Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic of England, Cornelius Fudge.
Hardy: .oO(Fudge? I like fudge...I'm going to make some chocolate for today.)
Sigma: *fart*
Umbridge: Hem-hem! Apparently something I said distracted you. The Ministry of Magic wants to know if there are any wizards and/or witches in the audience.
Snape: There are...why?
Umbridge: Oh! Is it just you and three students? I've read your paperwork, but what I am asking about is...is...You-Know-Who.
*doors burst open and a dorky voice says*: TA-DA!
Umbridge: AAAGH! It's You-Know-Who, t
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy 3
Act 3: Ta Dies and Sigma Breaks Wind
Ta: *Dies randomly*
Kaiba: What just happened?
Yugi: Ta died.
Kaiba: Oh.
Joey: Let's get these cameras fixed!
Mai: Right.
Ta: *Dies randomly*
Kaiba: *looks at Ta* Uh...right. Did she just die again?
Yugi: I said it before.
Joey: Said what?
Yugi: Leave it to Ta to do the impossible! ^_^
Tristan: Uh, guys? Can I get some help with this camera?
Ta: *Dies randomly*
Mai: Again?
---------------------
Samus: I don't know what's got into Ridley, but honestly...
Ridley: *tied to a chair with his beak taped shut*
Samus: If I hear "Do I make you horny?" again, I might scream.
Ridley: *unintelligibly muffled* Do I make you horny, baby?
Samus: I can only guess what that was. -_-
Houston: *smiles and nods*
Ta: *Dies randomly*
Samus: o_O
Houston: O_o
Ridley: O_O
Ta: *gets up again* I'm fine!
Really...er...Ridley: Really?
Ta: Really! *Dies randomly* X_X
Samus: *facefalls* x_x How did Ridley get out of that?!
Houston: It's amazing what weird things that po
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy 2
Act 2: That Random Hiccuping Metroid
Ridley: Yeah, man. It's comedic gold.
Samus: *weird look* "Yeah, man?!" Ridley, are you stoned or something?!
Ridley: "Or something?" Are you?
Samus: Don't argue with me Ridley, have you been smoking dope?!
Ridley: You're not my mother, man.
Samus: I'm not a man...-_- *pouts* ..and I know that I'm not your mother either, but I want an answer Ridley. Yes or no,
have you been-
Ridley: I don't gotta answer that. You...ooooo... *looks around* ...Pretty hippie flowers...hiccuping Metroids!
Houston: Huh? Hiccupping Metroids?
Ridley: It's in the title, man. GROOVY, BABY! I'VE GOT THE MOJO! *starts dancing like a topless dancer, then picks up Samus
and starts waltzing rather sloppily*
Samus: Ridley, you're scaring me.
Houston: O_O...Me too...
---------------
Domon: *fart*
Asia: ...No comment.
Domon: *farts again*
Asia: ...No comment.
Domon: *lets out a big one*
Asia: >_> DOMON! HAVE YOU BEEN EATING BEANS?!?! *hears a weird noise*
Domon: That wasn't me this
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Literature
Cooking With Hardy
Act 1 - TV Asia News?
*Samus, Houston and Ridley are watching the TV in Samus' apartment*
Master Asia: Welcome to TV Asia News, with Master Asia as your anchorman. And now we will switch to Cooking With Hardy, so look for me in the audience!
*Samus and Houston look at each other*
S & H: Cooking With Hardy??
Ridley: *points at the TV screen* Look! Hardy's got his own cooking show!
Samus: I never thought that Keaton would give him one.
Houston: This is gonna be good...
------------------
Hardy: Hi-oh! And we're here to cook with Hardy! That's me, folks.  And today we're going to make a grand turkey dinner!
Audience: Ooooh...
Malfoy: .oO(And I'm going to spoil it for you.)
Hermione: Too bad that Ron couldn't come here.
Harry: His mum wouldn't let him leave the country.
Snape: Be quiet before I start deducting house points...
Majin Buu: *Salivating over Snape* Want fooooooooooooooooooood...
Snape: Would you please sit down and stop slobbering, whoever you are?
Majin Buu: I'm Maji
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Take a look, I'm sure you'll be diappointed...disappointed...whatever...

Activity


Wanted to add a poll, but that's a Core Members feature.  Dammit.

Guess it's for the best.  I'm raging for pity at the moment, anyway.
Don't know what else to do with myself.
I am one or more of these:  Insane; Stupid; Scum.

Why?  I actually bought DQ8 for my 3DS AND DBXV2 for my PS4.
I've spent too much on myself and didn't even mean to.

Also the fact that I'm so hopelessly driven to play games over anything else doesn't help...

I'm not really that guilty about the purchases or what they are.  I'm actually more mad at myself for not having the right motivation to live for anything.
===========

Watchers, if you still visit this site:  This is not meant to be a cry for pity, so if it comes off as that, I apologize.  This is, however, meant to be a request for some form of coaching or advice in whatever I am not necessarily aware of about me.  I get that most of you don't really know anything about me, but I just feel like I need to be spoken to about the issue above.  This much, if you care to look, you will learn about me.

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I had to look back at my motives for doing art.

It's the same motive behind my playing online games, or even why I temperamentally care(d?) too much about my performance at work:  I want to prove my worth. 
I've got a chip on my shoulder the size of a capital star ship, if not bigger, and it's all about me and why I'm unapologetically and unprogressively pathetic when it comes to everything.

I don't want to do these things just to be good at them or to do them just because I have a want to do and no other reason behind it.  I want to do them because I want to stand above, and that's not a good enough reason for it.  It's why I simultaneously commit no action and no real progress in spiritual growth.  I want to be better than people.  That's not right.  That's not even sane.  I know that something within me is stopping me from even committing to a single goal other than single-player video games because that's about the only thing I can do with any degree of active neutrality.

What started this?  Probably things in sixth or seventh grade that have turned into hazy memories of having my then and possibly still oversized ego bruised.  I wasn't meritable back then, and haven't been for years.  Come to think of it, I may not have ever been given any merits all throughout my school years.  So, uh...why do I even care about that?  That special bit of validation that says that "I'M S-M-R-T"?
Boils down to praise, and never getting any of it.

So really, I'm going to title drop and bring it back to that for the main part.  I've been thinking about doing art for all the wrong reasons.  I've been looking at my once childhood pick of a career where I wanted to be a game designer and seeing it as a piss-poor attempt to grab fame.  Again, the wrong reasons.  I didn't even really put out the right effort to even succeed towards that goal, anyway.  Even I did like shit in my high school programming class.  Every last thing that I've ever done in my life has been for the wrong reasons. 

It wasn't for me to express myself. 

It was for me to step on top of everyone and declare superiority.
  • Listening to: "Alone In the Universe" by Theophany
  • Reading: Behind Myself While I Write.
  • Watching: VT. That's TV spelled backwards. Search YouTube.
  • Playing: Been playing heavily in Regrowth mod pack from FTB
  • Eating: No cashy, no Krusty.
  • Drinking: MT.Dewme Sangrita Blast.
No, it isn't really.  They should have all gone south for the season, but I'm pretty sure that they can't quite make up their mind.  Kinda like Kansas weather!

====

I technically have no decent internet connection right now.  Anyway, I'm stuck on a super Noro-Noro speed internet tether from my cell phone at the moment, which means that a lot of stuff isn't going to be happening until someone gets their taxes done (not me, already did mine) so that catch-up on the bills doesn't have to be a thing for the moment...

I'll be contacting the ISP after the house is caught up on that bill in order to see if there's a way to get the modem's IP range unbanned from PSN, or at least for them to set up a new IP range that isn't banned.  We've had the rotten luck of getting hit with a blanket ban from PSN because of all of Phantom Squad's DDoS attacks against it, which is the real reason why I haven't bothered to plug in my PS4, because I can't enjoy playing it online at all.  My brother's been pussyfooting around making the call to rectify that particular issue.  That has me irritated that he doesn't bother since the ban affects his PS4, too.
No sense in complaining about the problem when there's also a delinquent bill, though, so one thing at a time.

Anyway, I started craving a return to Skyforge, and when I checked the forums earlier I saw that they changed some of the systems that I was familiar with.  Well, armed with that knowledge in advance, I figured on starting up a new account for that game (I think you can only have one character per account on it), so that I can play it from the ground up and get a feel for the new changes when it's playable.  It's not playable yet, because I'm still downloading it at some speed-of-ass dial-up level bullshit due to needing to use my cell phone for internet. 
--I really need to pull my phone off of my brother's plan and set myself up for the fully unlimited 4G bandwidth.  It's not terrible.  In fact it was about as fast as using the regular internet connection while I still had 4G data to use for it.  Now it's down to like, 10KB per second.  Dude, that's the modem bandwidth that my first PC had with it's motherfucking 14.4 baud crap.  It's time to upgrade a little.  Hell, I could probably say screw the cable internet, and just use my tether.

By the way...speaking of cable internet...WHO THE FUCK IS SPECTRUM AND WHY HAVE I NOT HEARD OF THEM BEFORE THEY BOUGHT TIME WARNER CABLE?!

Anyway, I should be drawing, but I'm complaining in my Journal again just because I can, and also because I have things in my head that need to get out or else they're just going to roost and go BAGAWKCACAWBAWKBWAAK and other kinds of Cluckasaurus Rex noises.  Cluckasaurus Rex, I should hang on to that one...

Satisfaction buaranteed!  Wait...what?  Time to go back to writing plot synopses!  And texting :Aqua-Drannix: .  And some drawing in between.
  • Listening to: Nothing.
  • Reading: Behind Myself While I Write.
  • Watching: A really slow download bar for Skyforge.
  • Playing: I wish it could be some online game, but nope.
  • Eating: Nope.
  • Drinking: Whatever is on my desk that I can drink?
    Trina:  You made it, then?  The Clan of Ra let you in?

    Rotis:  Almost, and not exactly.  We've made it past the star's heliopause without notice.  I'm not sure how we managed to do that.  They've got a tight grid on the place all around.  Mid-range scanners definitely say there's intra-stellar activity around this star.  Lots of it, considering what's going on.  Looks like the Confederacy's actually managed to get Chimera back on the ropes again.  Hey, Broza?  Didn't the Saharans have these morons pushed back in a matter of days upon arriving here?

    Broza:  Yeah, but nobody in the Dark Fleet expected The Marching to come down to here.  They thought that the Karukas were just going to flatten Orion and keep it as theirs.  Turns out they were just pulling the teeth and claws out of one of the bigger problems the Confederacy was facing while trying to take Chimera down.  No, sir, the Saharan's didn't want Orion.  Orion doesn't use Nexus Generators.  This star, however, did.

    Rotis:  They wanted access to what they lost.

    Broza:  I think?  Well, there was one stowed away directly beneath Clyda Vaa, so they figured they might as well go back to Sol and turn them all on over here again.  After all, the next Galactic Pulse will be coming soon.  This one's not going to be as overwhelming as the last one was, and hopefully the line grid of Earth will be set back to normal before it happens.

    Rotis:  Terra won't be ready for it.  The humans have yet to even discover the Atlantean Ley Nexus Generator and figure it out.

    Kaype:  What'er we waiting for?!  Why don't we just go there and flick the switch ourselves?!

    Rotis:  No.

    Broza:  I'm with the captain on this one, Kaype.

    Trina:  I think you should do it.  Make them aware it exists, at least.

    Rotis:  I've heard stories about Terra's secrets.  One of them is a skin-crawling kind of nasty.  Do you know what eugenics is?

    Trina:  Well, it's supposed to be an intellectual selection of creation.  It's meant to exist as a means of tempering the spirit and the responsibility of individuals towards breeding.  Effectively, a proper practitioner of eugenics is meant to know whether or not they are worth breeding.

    Rotis:  Ermm...humans seem to have lost the essence of that spirit, or never really found it to begin with.

    Trina:  Why?

    Rotis:  They pick people with strong qualities among physical and/or mental traits, as well as desirable factors of appearance, and then selectively breed those to try and make an optimal genetic template.  They would cull off or otherwise nullify those with weak traits, keeping them only as a general force of work if they could be productive.  Certain ethnicities were also given preference, while other ethnicities were tossed aside like garbage.  It got...significantly bad in their calendar 1880's to 1940's.

    Trina:  That sounds like part of Chimera's 'experiment'.

    Rotis:  It is.  But for humans to be complicit in that kind of behavior?  It's disgusting.

    Trina:  You might want to be careful discussing disgusting behavior as a topic, Rotis.  One of the only reasons why I ever bothered vouching to get you on to that mission is because the Academy was going to throw you out of society in full dishonors because of your, what was it you called being a coward?  Pragmatism?  You've set a bad omen in place among your peers, you know.  Most of them wouldn't partner with you even if they were forced to, because you'd run away and your partners would always die behind you.  Always.

    Rotis:  That, and you're my sister.

    Kaype:  ♪ ~ Someone's wincing deep inside ~ ♪

    Rotis:  Shut up, Kaype!  If this job's the only one that I can do for them, then fine.  I'll take being excommunicated from Estoc as long as I can keep the ship and go everywhere else.

    Trina:  That's asking the Academy to be generous.  I think they'd have had you sent into the Wildland.

    Rotis:  What?!  But..but, that's a death sentence!

    Trina:  Should have valued your fellows lives more, then.

    Rotis:  ...

    Broza:  You cut the feed off?

    Rotis:  I need some time to go over something with you two.

    Kaype:  What?

    Rotis:  Well...I'm thinking about trying to exceed the Academy's expectations of me.  Kaype.  We're going to turn on the Atlantean Generator.  Broza, if you have any problems with that, let me know.

    Broza:  Just one.  What do you think Alin Karuka is going to do?

    Rotis:  Maybe he'll try and find some way to connect the dots.  He's already linked the Atlas Generator to the Eye of Protoi.

    Broza:  Sir...the Moon glowing blue and pointing a beam of light at the southern polar region of the planet?  Wouldn't that be a bit unsettling for humans to see?

    Rotis:  Okay, so you think that doing this might yield a major breach of the Quarantine.  And don't call me sir again.  I'm not that kind of captain.

    Broza:  Yeah.

    Kaype:  I think that he'll probably keep it quiet.  Think about this:  why didn't the Saharans invade Earth when they had the chance?

    Broza:  Er...

    Kaype:  Such a thing would have broken the Quarantine absolutely.  Chimera wasn't thanking Orson Wells when he pulled his radio stunt, either.  They almost hit the blow-it-all-up button right there.

    Broza:  So, what's the level of risk in doing this?

    Rotis:  Ridiculous, is what it is.  But I'd still like to see what they think of being able to pull off that kind of stunt.

    Broza:  What if they want you to just simply obey orders and not put anyone in more danger than at present?

    Rotis:  I'm a dead man if I go back to Estoc.  I went to the Academy so that I could go out into space.  Everything that I've done that lead up to this mission they gave me was something that I didn't cross the consequences of in my mind.

    Broza:  And they let you captain a ship with that kind of attitude?  They were expecting you to fail even making it here.  Success is exceeding their expectations enough.

    Rotis:  We're still going down there.

    Broza:  You really want to do that?  Check the scanners.

    Rotis:  ...Damn.  Chimera really did a number on walling off the planet.  It's covered in a massive surveillance grid, most of the cameras are pointed outside, though.  Atmosphere is only nominal; upper level dusting of heavy metals has caused a toxic level of air pollution.  Looks like I'm going to need the rebreather if I'm getting out.  And...what's with the spectrometer?  Why is it fluctuating like that?

    Kaype:  Looks like a large concentration of plasma that sensor wavelengths are pinging off of or dropping off into.  It's moving as if it has a rudimentary consciousness of its own, or at least a force of some kind of external intellect directing it.  Uh, Rotis?  That concentration is making a large bubble over the southern polar region.

    Rotis:  Someone knows we're coming.  Well, only one thing to say to it.  For once, I'm calling the bluff.

    Kaype:  We'll get fried!

    Rotis:  The ship's hardened against electrical interference.  We should be fine, even if we have a rocky descent.

    Broza:  Might want to brace yourself, Kaype.  This was your idea, after all.

    Kaype:  Right.  I'll never be a troll again.

*after a minute of rumbling noises*

    Rotis:  Broza, check the ventilation systems.  We might have a problem.

    Broza:  On it, boss--whoa.  This isn't going to be a stable trip.

    Rotis:  Just hurry up!  I think it might be trying to pull the hull off!

*rumbling intensifies*

    Rotis:  Dammit!  We're so close, hold it together!

    Kaype:  What's with that gibberish coming out of your mouth, Rotis?  Seriously, all I heard were a bunch of letters that made no sense!

    Rotis:  What?!  How can you possibly say that?!

    Kaype:  Don't kill me, I swear I'm not trying to be an ass!  Just please, put C'thulu back where it belongs!

    Broza:  *hacking*  This smoke isn't normal!  I feel like I'm going crazy!

    Rotis:  Shit.  Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit!

*telecom hail from Kriss III*

    Rotis:  Not now!  Someone take control of the ship, I'm going to make it to the surface one way or another!

    Kaype:  Trina, I think Rotis has gone crazy...er than me!

*weapons fire from a photon pistol*

    Kaype:  Ack!

    Rotis:  Take that goddamn helm and get Broza to safety!

    Kaype:  But that's the only escape pod!

    Rotis:  I'm dropping my ass down on top of that Generator, Kaype!  Now do as I say or you're a dead man!

    Broza:  We...we dead...no matter...

    Rotis:  Urrgh!  Dammit!  This is not how I planned for it to go!

    Trina:  Rotis?  Rotis?!  ROTIS?!

*escape pod ejects*

    Trina:  Kaype...Kaype...please stay calm.  Just fly the ship.

    Kaype:  Hrmpephlfjalbieopalsfjiwo~!  Oogoomemriofmaopolslo!

    Trina:  No...no...no...Rotis...no...you've done it again...

*crashing noise and gurgling*

[END OF LOG, SHIP SYSTEMS SHUTDOWN @ 09.23.13.0750, BLACK BOX BEACON TRANSMISSION ACTIVATED, ALL LOGS STORED IN BACKUP RECORDS]
Captain's Log - 09.23.13.0440
Just gonna put this here now.
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deviantID

KaffeKane

Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
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Watchers, if you still visit this site:  This is not meant to be a cry for pity, so if it comes off as that, I apologize.  This is, however, meant to be a request for some form of coaching or advice in whatever I am not necessarily aware of about me.  I get that most of you don't really know anything about me, but I just feel like I need to be spoken to about the issue above.  This much, if you care to look, you will learn about me.

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I had to look back at my motives for doing art.

It's the same motive behind my playing online games, or even why I temperamentally care(d?) too much about my performance at work:  I want to prove my worth. 
I've got a chip on my shoulder the size of a capital star ship, if not bigger, and it's all about me and why I'm unapologetically and unprogressively pathetic when it comes to everything.

I don't want to do these things just to be good at them or to do them just because I have a want to do and no other reason behind it.  I want to do them because I want to stand above, and that's not a good enough reason for it.  It's why I simultaneously commit no action and no real progress in spiritual growth.  I want to be better than people.  That's not right.  That's not even sane.  I know that something within me is stopping me from even committing to a single goal other than single-player video games because that's about the only thing I can do with any degree of active neutrality.

What started this?  Probably things in sixth or seventh grade that have turned into hazy memories of having my then and possibly still oversized ego bruised.  I wasn't meritable back then, and haven't been for years.  Come to think of it, I may not have ever been given any merits all throughout my school years.  So, uh...why do I even care about that?  That special bit of validation that says that "I'M S-M-R-T"?
Boils down to praise, and never getting any of it.

So really, I'm going to title drop and bring it back to that for the main part.  I've been thinking about doing art for all the wrong reasons.  I've been looking at my once childhood pick of a career where I wanted to be a game designer and seeing it as a piss-poor attempt to grab fame.  Again, the wrong reasons.  I didn't even really put out the right effort to even succeed towards that goal, anyway.  Even I did like shit in my high school programming class.  Every last thing that I've ever done in my life has been for the wrong reasons. 

It wasn't for me to express myself. 

It was for me to step on top of everyone and declare superiority.
  • Listening to: "Alone In the Universe" by Theophany
  • Reading: Behind Myself While I Write.
  • Watching: VT. That's TV spelled backwards. Search YouTube.
  • Playing: Been playing heavily in Regrowth mod pack from FTB
  • Eating: No cashy, no Krusty.
  • Drinking: MT.Dewme Sangrita Blast.

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:iconnyquildreamer:
NyQuilDreamer Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2017
Heyo! Always like to keep an eye on folks who are wanting to make comics :)

:iconfonzieplz:
Keep at it, sir! And thank you for the watch!
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:iconkaffekane:
KaffeKane Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you.  I'm still trying to get things started, but yeah.  I'm just doing concept drawings at the moment for the things that I'd otherwise have to pull out my butt on the fly, so that I can get started on it.  Keddis in the scraps was more to get a feel for drawing an Estoc than it was anything else, but that was straight outta GIMP, and I'm horrible at line drawing from the tablet, so I'm sure that I will have a better ref pic of him Soon™.
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:iconnyquildreamer:
NyQuilDreamer Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2017
Well, I look forward to seeing more from you.

You won't get better with that tablet unless you use it a whole bunch! That's just how those things go!
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:icontofumi:
tofumi Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2010
Daw, thank you for watching! ;u; :heart:
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:iconkaffekane:
KaffeKane Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
It's partly to keep up on news from your journal, but your art's really nice, too.
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